


Biolumenscence

by Aspendragon



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gotta love the Krogan, I Love Tann, In fact I love all Andromeda characters, It's going to be a long fic, M/M, My Ryder is NOT Ok with being Pathfinder, No character bashing, Not even Tann-bashing, Ryder's memories of the Citadel and Earth, Slow Burn, Working things out, friends first, romance later, turian love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-06 12:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14057340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aspendragon/pseuds/Aspendragon
Summary: Raelynn "Rae" Ryder succeeds her father as human pathfinder.  This doesn’t go over too well with anyone, including herself.





	1. Waking Up

Rae was told they wouldn’t dream while in cryostasis, but when she woke she swore she dreamt. 

The silence in the room was almost deafening until SAM spoke up loud in her ear and with a jolt Rae became alarmed, but remained vaguely aware of her own slow movements.It was why she thought it was all just a dream gone wrong at first, she dreamt she woke up wide awake and cold like she hadn’t closed her eyes for more than five minutes.The medical personnel were gentle and joking, neither were Lexi, but they voiced their hopes the pathfinder’s team would find someplace tropical, definitely something Rae’s mind could have conjured up.

Lounging on the beach soaking in the sun with her family and friends sounded so damn appealing although Rae knew she wouldn’t have been able to sit still for too long. 

The dream carried on so realistically too.  Lexi examined her, they lost gravity following an unexpected impact and Scott couldn’t wake up…a very real fear that set Rae’s heart pounding.

“ _Your heart rate has accelerated, Ryder,_ ” SAM spoke again and Rae blinked, it almost sounded like he had been placed on speaker right next to her ear.

Rae mumbled unintelligibly, she pushed herself up with great effort and looked around.

_Am I in SAM Node…?_ Rae squinted her eyes and closed them tight, the more she remembered the dream the more vivid the details became.

There was a meeting with her dad and the captain, like usual she agreed with Alec Ryder who went on with business, they followed his advice and prepared to investigate Habitat 7 and any worst case scenarios.Alec Ryder’s words rang through her head as they boarded the shuttle. ** _“Your mother would have been proud of you and your brother.”_** Rae quietly wondered if her dad had ever been proud of them, but she stepped onto the shuttle floor behind Kosta (no, _Liam_ ).There was a problem, or more of them emerged, as they broke through the fiery stratosphere and into the troposphere where they found floating rocks.

_It had to have been a dream,_ Rae thought harshly, why would boulders _float_?Where else, but a dream, would lightning strike pockets of rotating stones and puddles of fluorescent liquid existed in granite crevices?Not on Habitat 7, **not** the human golden world.Rae shook her head, still in denial as she recalled hostile aliens, Kirkland’s death, a mad dash through a high security alien facility, whatever her dad did to the interface there, it set something off and that’s where Rae denied it could have been anything _but_ a dream.Something, probably one of the alien crates, crashed into her and the next thing she knew she had been falling _again_ and her helmet smashed open…

“Where…” Rae’s voice came out thick and she coughed, her body was sore all over, “Did everyone make it?”

At first she didn’t see anyone ( _was she alone?Was it all a dream and this wasn’t SAM Node?  Perhaps she was just now waking up from cryostasis?_ ) when Liam’s head popped into view.There was no seating accommodations in SAM Node he must have been on the floor, Rae shook her head gently as Liam called for someone.His omnitool’s bright intrusive orange made Rae squint until it blinked away. 

“Hold still, at least until Lexi takes a look at you,” Liam said gently, Rae nodded now incapable of speaking, suddenly her tongue was glued to the roof of her mouth.

_It had to have been a dream,_ she thought to herself once again.

“Who were you talking to Ryder?” asked Liam and Rae peered up at him, she took a steadying breath.

“Just call me Rae,” she said, “my dad goes by Ryder.”

At this Liam smiled sadly and shifted his weight from one leg to the other, crossing and uncrossing his arms.In the matter of seconds he revealed his deep discomfort Rae’s denial shook.

“SAM,” Rae breathed, ignoring the painful thumping of her heart, “I was talking to SAM.”

“Huh, really?I didn’t hear him,” Liam averted his gaze from Rae’s. She pushed herself to the edge of the gurney when the doors to SAM Node sprang open with a hiss.Rae peered up to find Lexi and Cora briskly make their way up to her, the door sliding shut quickly behind them. 

“How are you feeling?” Lexi didn’t waste any time, Rae barely had time to respond before she began examining her, checking her eyes and reflexes.Remembering her “dream” and Lexi’s first initial check-up was almost a cruel replay, Liam had been there too, but getting looked at by Carlyle.Cora joined them after they lost gravity, but here Rae was seated and not hovering over the floor.

“Where’s my dad?” the words were out before Rae could stop them, her tongue unglued and let out the one question she dreaded the answer for.This would be it, the test if it had all been just a horrible dream cooked up from six hundred odd years sailing through space where there _shouldn’t_ have been any dreaming going on.Almost in knowing anticipation, Rae’s hands clenched over her knees, her knuckles defined against the smooth layer of skin marked by faded scars earned from a childhood of play brawling and digging in rocky dirt.

She watched them as the three exchanged looks deciding who would be the one to break the news.

_Just a drea-_ “Ryder,” Lexi spoke with professionalism tinged with sympathy, “your father died on Habitat 7.”

And just like in the dream the floor had been swept out from beneath her feet.

“It was either you or him and he chose you,” Cora continued, somewhere amidst processing what was being said Rae saw how stiffly Cora stood, hands clasped behind her with shoulders back in a way Rae saw her stand before her father and Captain Dunn, her eyes a raging storm of grief and acceptance.  How her jaw clenched then her mouth moved and what she said made Rae’s stomach drop like a stone, “and he made you Pathfinder.”

“What?  N-No, that's a lie!” Rae’s mouth had gone dry, the wind knocked out of her, _yeah, this has got to be a dream.Dad dead?Me - PATHFINDER?_

_“_ I’m so sorry Ryder, this must be a blow.”She added on.

“I thought _you_ were - but, he - my dad-” _Shit, don’t cry!_ Rae wanted to ask if this was some sort of joke, but her sense of humor had gone and shriveled up somewhere dark and hollow. She swallowed, but the bulk of emotion building in her throat wouldn’t budge, she tried to swallow again.Cora, however, wasn’t done.

“I know he could be distant.But he once said when the time came, he wanted to go out among the stars no one had seen before.”Liam moved slightly, possibly to gingerly touch Cora briefly on the shoulder, but the lieutenant only faintly acknowledged it.She stood tall and rigidly, this chafed at Rae, who felt childish and frail in comparison.Thankfully Lexi saved Rae from having to respond.

“He removed your damaged helmet and put his own on you,” she explained and motioned to the black helmet over to the side, the metallic N7 logo gleamed in the dim lighting the room provided.Rae’s stomach roiled although she hadn’t eaten anything but coffee in the last…how many hours had she officially woken from cryostasis anyway?

Lexi continued, “the damage had been done, we had to take evasive action to save your life and combine SAM with your neural system.You two are entangled in a way we do not wholly understand.”

“What do you mean?” Rae gasped, the logic and professionalism she so proudly garnered and maintained when her father entered the room was dissolving fast, mostly upon the fact he was never going to enter a room again.It was taking everything she had not to break down or run her hands through her hair, instead she sat with her weight pushed forward into her knees, her shoulders bunched up and (bare) toes dangling less than an inch above the silver floor.

_Who took off my shoes?_ She almost grinned, this wasn’t the time to worry about footwear.

“ _We are connected as one, not as separate entities as we were before,_ ” SAM said and this time he sounded more distant, Lexi nodded confirming to Rae that they too heard SAM.

“ ** _We have our own private channel, the same as I shared with your father_** _,_ ” SAM said, but this time he was near and Rae understood, he was _in_ her.

_Private channel?_ Rae shut her eyes and pulled the threads of her composure tightly together, but there were gaps and the threads were unravelling against the strain.

“We’ll leave you to rest,” Cora said sharply then caught herself, her eyes softened, “we’ll need our Pathfinder once we reach the Nexus.”

With that Cora left them, Rae glanced at Lexi and Liam.

“I thought we didn’t know where the Nexus was?”

“Whatever your dad did to that tower back on Habitat 7 worked wonders like some sort of atmosphere scrubber, communications came back up and we’ve managed to locate it while you were out.” Liam explained, Rae noticed his watchful gaze, the way his eyes were looking for cracks and, to her embarrassment, must have seen them.  Seeming to understand she wasn’t ready to share her feelings just yet he gave her shoulder a comforting pat (a gesture that nearly undid her) before heading out behind Cora.

“God, what a mess,” Rae said to no one in particular now that only Lexi remained.

_And SAM, he’s here,_ in a way that made her feel distinctly uncomfortable Rae toed around what she thought of this new arrangement, but that led her into other unwanted thinking territory.

_Dad…is dead?_ She didn’t want to say it, not out loud not where it would be more real.Rae licked her lips and glimpsed at Lexi.

“Would you like company or would you rather I leave?”If Lexi was uncomfortable she did an admirable job of not showing it, but her desire to help her patient overpowered flight.Rae gave a watery smile.

“I think I would like to be alone for a while if that’s ok?” Rae said and inwardly flinched that she phased it as a question.

_I’m Pathfinder now,_ with a mental groan Rae gave Lexi a reassuring nod when the doctor went to leave.Rae waited with thinning patience until Lexi left, but even after the door hissed shut behind her Rae’s body didn’t move immediately.No, moving too fast too soon would have completely broken her for sure.

For several long moments Rae considered what she had been told, pieced through the realistic dream she had once more.She wondered how her dad - _the_ Alec Ryder, N7, human Pathfinder, a hero who journeyed forth through the Charon Relay beside Jon Grissom, AI genius had _died_.  In more ways than one, even when his job took him away or when he barricaded himself in his office, he was a solid presence.   His absence made Andromeda seem even less appealing than Habitat 7.

“I-I can’t believe he’s gone, one minute he was there and the next…” _gone._

“Dead.” the word didn’t echo in SAM Node, they fell flat and lifeless from her lips.

“ ** _Ryder, in the event you would find total privacy preferable you may initiate Privacy Mode_** _,_ ” SAM’s automated tone rubbed Rae the wrong way.

She bit down on her bottom lip, her fingers curled into her palms.

“ ** _Your father will be missed._** ”

“But why?Why _choose_ me?Cora would be a better Pathfinder, _she was next in line_.” Rae’s voice rose and lowered as her control wavered.

“ ** _Unknown, but he never acted without reason._** ”

When Rae didn’t say anything to that SAM continued.

_“_ ** _Alec wouldn’t want us losing sight of the goal.He said pain emboldens our resolve.He’d insist we grow strong from his passing_** _._ ”

“I still don’t get it, the responsibilities alone, how am I supposed to be what he is - _was_?”She gnawed her lip until she peeled away a thin strip of skin, she tasted blood.Rae imagined she wouldn’t rest between now and the time she would have to leave SAM Node, didn’t relish the thought of everyone looking to her as they looked at her dad.  The fact that she felt she _inherited_ instead of _earned_ the title was only one of her issues.Her resume was short and pitiful, her and Scott’s careers even cut short by their father’s dishonorable discharge from the Systems Alliance.Would that matter here?Yes, of course it would, she imagined the shocked and critical stares that would greet her upon docking at the Nexus.  Alec Ryder was the one with the discharge, the spotty record, but he provided  _results_ , he gave the Initiative the SAM network.  

Jien Garson would rectify it, take the title and transfer it to Cora like it should be.If SAM was required to stay with Rae so that she could live so be it, she would put him to use assisting Cora who would have her own connection to SAM.

She thought all this as she took the few short steps to pick up Alec Ryder’s helmet.Sand and bits of debris had lodged into the dips and curves, no one thought to scrub it down beyond the routine decontamination rinse.Unlike her own probably being fixed somewhere or even quite possibly left back on Habitat 7 the N7 helmet remained thoroughly intact.The grief and hurt that had been building up in her chest was coming loose as a sob made its way up, Rae wrapped both arms around the helmet, pressing the glass curve tightly to her chest.

Rae could remember every time she cried and all those times could be accounted for on one hand.Even as she slid to the ground clutching the helmet and allowing grief to overwhelm her she went from four fingers to five.Afraid to be heard or caught she mourned quietly.

At some point Rae had crawled back onto the gurney, wishing Scott was there and when she remembered he was in a coma her emotions bubbled up once more.

_This isn’t a time for crying,_ her mind sputtered and Rae wiped at her eyes, when the tears wouldn’t stop she pressed the heels of her palms into them.After inhaling several shuddering breaths Rae sighed, a headache had blossomed between her eyes and her nose was clogged.She felt she had cheated herself out of a good cry, but the breadth of responsibilities that would be (were) hers at least until Garson made the switch had to be taken care of.Not entirely sure what those were left her uncomfortably unsure, she should find Cora or Captain Dunn.

Alec Ryder spoke of his job like it was a clearcut mission, but Habitat 7 didn’t work out, what if the others didn’t as well?The thought made Rae’s stomach hurt more than it already did.

Placing her dad’s helmet on the gurney Rae took a few steps towards the doors before glimpsing back at it.What if someone came in and took it?Alec Ryder had been the only N7 on the Initiative, their gear was customized and pricey, she shouldn’t leave it lying around.

“SAM, is there somewhere I can put this while I’m gone?I don’t want it going missing,” Rae stepped closer and saw her reflection on the helmet’s glass.

“ ** _There is a compartment below,_** ” he advised her, off to the side of SAM’s virtual platform a plate slid over.

After stashing her father’s helmet Rae braced herself but visibly deflated when she left SAM Node.Besides a handful of maintenance workers no one else was about. 

_What was I expecting?_ Rae breathed a sigh of relief, the workers didn’t even acknowledge her as they were glued to data pads and malfunctioning equipment.They didn’t have time to worry that the title of Pathfinder had been passed on, not yet.It was a kernel of thought amongst bigger kernels when the whole of Hyperion was still reeling from that collision with the dark matter cloud outside.She walked by them feeling wonderfully invisible.

* * *

 

“Cora,” Rae blurted out her name without thinking, the lieutenant turned and nodded to her as Rae approached.  They stood off to the side behind one of the sitting crew members piecing through unreadable amounts of code.

“Ryder, how are you feeling?” she probably couldn’t think of anything else to say, they had seen each other less than an hour ago.Yet where Cora was clear-faced and poised for hard decision making Rae recalled how she had been crying on the floor cradling her dad’s helmet like a little girl.The differences were scathing and Rae couldn’t manage a smile, only a stiff nod in return which all the more made her feel worse.

“I’ll be fine,” Rae looked around, Captain Dunn was overlooking some screens and the crew were busy, “can we talk?”

“Now isn’t really the time for a meaningful conversation, Ryder, we’re almost to the rally point,” Cora and Rae regarded one another briefly, but the tension was palpable.Rae wondered what Cora was thinking about it, was she questioning Alec Ryder’s decision just as she was?She had to have been, _she_ was the one her dad hand-picked to be his second.  While Rae and Liam were wandering through the strange environment of Habitat 7 Cora had been holding down a defensive position with her back to a damaged shuttle with only an injured soldier and a medic.Guiltily Rae thought of Kirkland, would he have died if she and Liam hadn’t taken to exploring?Her dad had been pleased to hear she and Liam did some reconnaissance, it gave Rae a sense of pride at the time, but now she questioned it.

“It’s about me being Pathfinder,” Rae swallowed, if they weren’t going to get to be alone before they docked at the Nexus then she’ll get it out now, “I think, despite what my dad intended, you should be Pathfinder.I plan on asking Garson to give you the title when we arrive.”

“No, I respect your father’s decision on that matter,” Cora said immediately, shocking Rae.Another moment of silence to which Cora ended it with a weak shrug.

“Liam believes you’re up for it,” she claimed, Rae tilted her head, trying not to look as worried as she felt.

“Do you think I’m up for it?”

“It doesn’t matter what _I_ think, the decision is made, as I did with Alec I will serve you as your second,” Rae couldn’t believe what she was hearing, deep down she had thought ( _hoped_ ) Cora would have agreed with her.

“But-“

“We’re approaching the Nexus!” cried out one of the crew members, they turned to look through the window as the large space station came into view.Against the backdrop of a cluster of stars and the tragedy of Habitat 7 behind them it was a beautiful sight to see.It meant Jien Garson, it meant time to rest and regroup, surely the Nexus leadership would have answers and an ongoing plan of action.Rae didn’t look forward to boarding the Nexus in place of Alec Ryder, she risked a glance at Cora then Captain Dunn, the captain hadn’t so much as greeted Rae considering how occupied she had been unscrambling coordinates and transporting twenty thousand souls the remaining distance.Liam had joined them and made a beeline for Rae and Cora.

“Glad to see you here, Ryder, er, Rae,” Liam corrected, Cora didn’t blink and the guilt and anxiety threatening to overcome Rae's rationale weighed on her.

“Construction on the Nexus hasn’t been completed yet?” Rae heard someone say in disbelief, Cora narrowed her eyes as they saw empty spaces in the walls, half of the Nexus appeared to be skeletal.

“It should be done by now,” Cora confirmed.

Rae couldn’t explain the sense of dread that bludgeoned its way to the forefront of her feelings, thoroughly smothering guilt and amplifying her anxiety.Her heart pounded loudly and she was grateful SAM didn’t feel the need to comment on it, maybe he too felt the same way.Like Habitat 7 the Nexus should have been a beacon of prosperity, even if the settlements took time to adjust the resources they hoarded from the Milky Way would sustain them until horticulture and other essentials advanced. 

Rae took a deep breath and steeled herself.


	2. Critical Error Try Again

“Jien Garson and the entirety of the senior leadership board have perished upon arrival to Andromeda-” Rae kept her eyes on the salarian’s face, she focused on not blinking and continuing to breathe.She felt Cora and Liam at her side and the disbelief that swiftly followed the words they had never, in six hundred years, expected to hear.In the forefront of her mind she had stopped processing the news right after ‘perished’, in the back of her mind she was fighting hysterical laughter and biting cynicism.Did they cross dark space and discover an uninhabitable golden world _just_ to rendezvous to share tragic death stories?Was this some horrible joke the universe was playing on them? 

The tired face of Addison Foster reflected the very thoughts Rae was thinking, she just hoped she was concealing them better.The scars along her jaw itched, she acquired them on Habitat 7 and in the mad rush to save her life Lexi only gave enough medi-gel to close them.They remained as superficial reminders of the two falls she endured and apparently as mood indicators.The more frustrated she felt the worse the itching became, but that could have been the healing.Rae didn’t have time to ponder over it.

“Ok,” Rae breathed speaking after Tann finished, “I’m here now, what needs to be done now?Where does the Nexus currently stand?”

She thought she sounded official enough without coming off as arrogant, which was the last thing she wanted to sound like, but Addison Foster, who must have still been reeling from the news of Alec Ryder’s death, replied before Tann could.

“The Nexus is barely limping along, what we _need_ is a pathfinder to do her job,” she bit out catching Rae off guard

“And I intend to do that,” Rae said with strained professionalism, “but I need to know what has already been done.You claim to have been here fourteen months, has anyone investigated the other habitats-”

“Yes, in fact, we tried to settle Eos _twice_ , of all the planets that one is the most viable and I use that term loosely,” Addison was practically snarling, she and Tann stood close, but Addison was closer to her.Rae could make out the dark circles beneath Addison’s eyes, the desperate glint in them. 

“It will take more than youthful vigor to see us through this catastrophe,” Addison wouldn’t take her eyes off of Rae, she was under the distinct impression she had already been judged and deemed a failure.Rae bristled and felt her cheeks warm.

“Addison, she is not to blame for the events that brought us to this point and besides we could use some fresh eyes and a new voice,” another voice came in, Rae tried not to show surprise when a female krogan walked up and eyed Addison.Rae had to give her credit, the small and lithe-limbed Addison stood her ground before the bulk of a krogan before calmly stepping back, but her gaze settled once more on Rae.

“This is Nakmor Kesh,” Tann introduced, Rae wasn’t surprised by the underlaying tone in his voice, it was clear he was not fond of Kesh.

“I serve as superintendent to the Nexus, I oversee maintenance work and regulate construction priorities.Until you showed up I also held authority over the care taking and release of occupied pods in cryogenics,” Kesh clarified, her voice was kept at an even gravelly tone, but Rae noted she didn’t so much as glance at Tann.

“Until I showed up…?” Rae repeated back uncertainly.

“Another time, there are more pressing matters,” replied Kesh and she gave Rae what could have passed for a sympathetic look, “if you ever need me I’ll be in my office, I seldom leave it.”

_One thing at a time,_ Rae thought mindful of her breathing, if the anxiety and panic brewing just beneath her clavicle bubbled to the surface, well, she didn’t want to give Addison the satisfaction of seeing her break down.Rae latched onto the cool confidence Cora exuded from her side and Liam’s get-to-it energy from the other.She inhaled deeply and looked to Kesh.

“Thank you,” then she turned her gaze to Tann, “so you’re the Initiative Director then?”

“Acting,” Kesh corrected.

“This is not the time to argue over little details,” Addison hissed, Rae felt a headache coming on.

_Am I going to be able to make this situation better or will I only make it worse?_ It was painfully, _agonizingly_ , clear they were no more qualified to lead or direct anymore than Rae was to pathfind.Deep down though Rae couldn’t judge them without being hypocritical, she had only just started and with no Garson to talk Cora into taking over as human pathfinder she was stuck with it.Rae temporarily struggled to garner enough optimism to pull from as she re-addressed Tann.

“Where do I start?”Kesh seemed to be the most poised of the group, but whether she was avoiding stepping on toes to keep some semblance of peace or just downright reluctance to assume higher leadership Rae saw she was only one piece of the puzzle. Addison was obviously at her wit’s end, her patience threadbare and the woman herself silver-tongued.Tann seemed awkward, his manner of speaking wobbly if not properly thought out beforehand, then there was his hinted stereotypical salarian prejudice against krogans.Rae wasn’t sure if there were other “leaders” and they were just elsewhere, but on top of this misfit group they now had a greenie for a pathfinder.

Rae decided to keep to the book, she had no other choice. Pathfinders reported to the Initiative Director, acting or otherwise, Tann was her boss, she didn’t have to like it, but that was the situation.She willed the tension in her muscles to relax.

“Ryder, you may have noticed we’re missing arks,” Addison snapped, Kesh groaned.

“Tann, why don’t you take Pathfinder Ryder to your office while Addison and I oversee connection to the Hyperion,” Kesh advised, Rae thought this was a sound suggestion, but Tann didn’t.

“At the moment speaking with your lieutenant will suffice,” Tann blinked, his dark orbs stared down at Rae, “speak with Addison over the matter at Eos.She is correct in it’s viability, if there’s ever a good starting point it would be there.”

_How exactly am I to get there then?_ Rae barely nodded before Tann turned away, Cora gave Rae a passing glance before following after him.Liam said something about checking security and whisked away as an Operations worker gave a statistical report to Addison. 

Rae closed her eyes to the mass light shield ascending, revealing a vast window to space and one of the expansive arms of the Nexus.The nearby star glimmered brightly, but nothing compared to the relief of seeing the Operations lights flicker on.Addison brought up her omni tool and pecked at it as she spoke.

“When the Nexus hit the Scourge we lost a lot of vehicles, including scout ships and all-terrain rovers.I’m pleased to inform you,” in a tone of voice that didn’t sound pleased at all, “that at least one of the pathfinder ships escaped the collision unscathed.”

_That’s not good,_ Rae frowned, “what about the other ships for the other pathfinders when they show up?”

“ _If_ they show up,” Addison stated bitterly.

_Think nice,_ Rae tried another tactic, “when will it be ready to go?”

“First you need to know what you have to do, it’ll take more than a pretty face out here as I’m sure you already know,” at that Rae flinched, her scars prickled, the barb brought forth a surge of emotional memories.It didn’t feel more like a year ago she had turned down a date to avoid getting attached, Scott had teased her about it anyway.She still went out that night to see a movie at a large scale cinema, dressed to turn heads and Scott still trying to find the right words to convince his boyfriend at the time to come to Andromeda. 

Suppressing the urge to reach up and touch the glaring red burn marks and deep scratches, Rae bit back a tart remark.She didn’t want to think about what she saw in her reflection earlier in the transit from the Docking Bay to Operations.Kandros didn’t so much as blink, didn’t ask about the fresh marks on her skin, he probably assumed where she got them as Rae, Cora and Liam recounted the events of Habitat 7.With a heavy feeling in her chest Rae inwardly scolded herself, a few scars wouldn’t hurt her cause and that comment, however un-called for, shouldn’t upset her as much as it did.Shoving her wounded vanity aside Rae looked Addison in the eye.

_Pathfinder time,_ “I need to make sure a habitat is ready for settlement, if it isn’t it’s my job to find an alternative,” she said parroting her father’s and Captain Dunn’s last conversation.

“Yes, do whatever your father would have done if he were still alive,” Addison said then with a ferocity cultivated over fourteen months of rationing facing possible starvation and failed attempts to colonize she bombarded Rae with reports from Eos survivors from two places aptly named Site 1 and Site 2.Both had the names Promise and Resilience, but the words must have hurt to say, heck, Rae found it hard too, so she and Addison found something they both agreed on. 

The next attempt could not fail.

By the time Rae soldiered on and made it to Kesh’s office, which looked to be more of a storage room with crates haphazardly stacked along the walls, misplaced wires on the floor, containers of screws and bolts and bits of debris tracked in from her workers, Rae found Nakmor Kesh’s easy-going and understanding attitude a more than welcome reprieve.

“I’m not the best at guessing human expressions, but from where I’m standing you are handling everything rather well,” Kesh claimed.

“You know, I haven’t seen a lot of krogan around,” Rae blurted out and instantly regretted it, but Kesh didn’t seem to mind.She thought the krogan had made up the bulk of construction workers and many of them would have been in the second wave of cryogenetic awakening, yet she hadn’t seen any other than Kesh.

“Ah, well some bad things happened, a deal was made but wasn’t followed through, so Nakmor Morda, my clan leader, took all the krogan and left the Nexus,” Kesh explained nonchalantly, but Rae, who had been slouching a little, straightened and her widened eyes fixed on Kesh.

“ _What?_ You mean _left_ , as in investigating worlds on behalf of the Nexus no longer affiliated?”Rae approached the back of the console Kesh was working on, her hands clenching around the rim.Kesh regarded her with deep blue eyes.

“As in no longer affiliated,” Kesh confirmed, she stopped typing on the console and gave a huff, “with Tann in charge and his unwillingness to discuss openly with my people that’s how things ended up.”

“But you’re still here?” Rae mentioned as she wrapped her head around it, “you’re the only krogan here then?”

“I am,” Kesh claimed, “the Nakmor clan comprised almost the entirety of the krogan population that came on board the Andromeda Initiative.There were a handful of other members from other clans, but it was Morda that Garson managed to talk into it.”

Rae felt her skin prickle and her head ache, she refused to rub her temples.

“No offense, but why the Nakmor?Was no one else willing to listen?”

“During the Initiative recruitment stage most of the krogan didn’t think much of the future, although right before we left there was news of a change in leadership in Clan Urdnot.The new leader was combining clans and making plans with fertile females.We won’t know of the results for a while, if he succeeded or if he failed, but I hope some good came of it.However, at the time it was Morda who was convinced Andromeda would make a new beginning for the krogan.Garson learned we were beginning to show hints of a mutation that fought back against the Genophage, the mortality rate didn’t look to be any different up close, but six hundred years of genetic supplements might do the trick.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re the only krogan on the Nexus,” Rae gave a weak smile as she let go of the rim of the console.

“Did Addison not tell you about the uprising?” Kesh asked, Rae shook her head.

“You may want to sit down,” she warned and pointed to a nearby crate.

Tann was next on her talk list, Rae was thankful she didn’t have to climb stairs to get to him.After the long explanation, provided by Kesh, of what exactly happened prior to the Hyperion’s arrival made her queasy.As she walked she noticed things she hadn’t when Kandros led her and the others to the makeshift leaders.With the lights on Rae saw the tree growing in the center just behind main Operations.It was pleasant to find something as harmless and genuine as a tall and sprawling leafy tree.A number of potted plants were assembled inside the open offices of security, not even a sparking console system on the other side of the room would offset the hope of the color green.

A couple dozen workers were strolling about, eyes on data pads, mouths speaking into their omnitools, a variety of humans, salarians, turians and asari.Rae refused to linger on the scorch marks frequently showing up on the floor or the way some people openly stared at her as she passed by.As she picked up her pace the Information Wall lit up, delightfully welcoming her to Andromeda.

_I like that wall,_ Rae thought, but she didn’t stop to stare up at the larger than scale image of Jien Garson.

Tann’s office was no better than Kesh’s, in fact Rae suspected it was actually just a secretarial desk and a shelf of binders.The salarian blinked up at her as the door hissed open, Cora was nowhere to be seen.

“Hello Pathfinder, Lieutenant Harper has already been dismissed,” Tann straightened to his full height, Rae felt smaller than ever, “I trust Addison has already informed you of the ship you will be commandeering, your crew and your first assignment?”

_My crew, it’s really happening._

“Yes, yes and yes,” Rae replied, “she also told me about those aliens called the kett, claims there haven’t been other aliens to make first contact with, what I should expect from Eos and so on.”

“Good, good,” Tann said, “I also want to stress finding the other arks, there are tens of thousands of colonists unaccounted for.”

“That is definitely a priority,” Rae agreed, then her eyes narrowed, “I also heard why the krogan are unaccounted for on the Nexus.”

“An unfortunate incident occurred, many people, including the former Head of Security, Sloane Kelly, were exiled and the krogans expected more than they were given by Jien Garson.”Tann was at least giving his full attention to Rae, if he had been on his omnitool or only half paying attention to her she might have lost her patience and she knew it wasn’t right to blame Tann entirely.

“We have no idea what became of the exiles, but they endangered many lives by threatening Hydroponics, we’re _extremely_ lucky it recovered.”It was difficult for Rae to ascertain his feelings as he said this.

“I know I wasn’t here and nothing in the past can be changed,” Rae said carefully, “but I think two of the top priorities behind properly settling Eos and finding the arks should be getting the exiles and krogan back.They didn’t come all this way just to get kicked out to fend for themselves and we need them.”

“By all means do Pathfinder Ryder,” Tann agreed, surprising Rae and she visibly showed it, he gave a grim smile, “believe me, I did not sign up for this job.I had no inkling I was even on the leaderboard’s roster if things went awry until I was woken early.It seemed the leadership didn’t expect it either, the protocol for reassignment was, how should I put it?Inflexible.”

_What does that say about me being pathfinder instead of Cora?_ Rae didn’t want to think too deeply into the implications, either Tann was lying and there was a way to bypass him or her father consciously broke the rules to give her his title.As Addison had said earlier, the title was not hereditary and she was definitely not next in line or qualified.

“So…you wouldn’t mind the krogan coming back?” Rae inquired incredulously.

“I would not mind, they have their good qualities, but a leader among the Initiative?Be reasonable,” Tann looked away for a second, then back at Rae, “let’s speak of another matter-”

Abruptly Rae winced and held a hand to her head, she gritted her teeth as a sharp pain blossomed in her head. 

“Are you all right Ryder?” Tann inquired not unkindly, Rae removed her hand from her head and forced a grin.

“Fine, fine, but I think I should be going,” Rae claimed and Tann nodded.

“Be aware Ryder, the others oversee their areas, but Eos must succeed.You have and only need my full authority to take your ship and crew wherever you deem fit as long as it supports the Initiative’s goals and message, I also authorize whatever supplies you think you will need.Oh, and Ryder,” Tann added on as Rae prepared to leave, she schooled her features as she peered back at him, “good luck."

* * *

 

_That could have gone so much better,_ Rae thought sourly as she left Tann’s office and managed to find a quiet corner to compose herself.

“SAM, what was that?” Rae inquired loudly.

“ ** _A slight error in my connection, before you depart you will need to stop by SAM Node.A log in my archive has been unlocked for your perusal,_** ” SAM responded, Rae frowned as she leaned against the wall.It’s cool surface greeted the back of her head then she closed her eyes, for a few moments Rae didn’t think about anything but yearned for a more private space.She felt she should have been more worried about being discovered in such a lackluster state.The combined meeting with Addison, Kesh and Tann had been more than she bargained for, then there was the news she had to relay to them and then the news they had in exchange…

The thoughts began to form and spin, snowballing chaotically.Her bottom lip trembled, Rae was convinced she was about to cry when a nearby explosion sent her into action.

“What happened?Are you all right?” she asked the man cursing at a section of the wall open to reveal live wires and blackened parts, the man turned to her in surprise.

Several minutes later Rae was making her way down the stairs.Rae felt bad, but she decided to put her talk with Kandros off to the side as she meandered around Operations for malfunctioning equipment.Losing the trail and the time spent investigating the sabotaged wiring burned through her schedule and on top of that a desperate turian regaled her with a story and plea for help to clear her husband of a crime she didn’t believe he committed.Promising to talk with Kandros and her husband before departing for Eos, Rae made a beeline for the transit car.

“Ryder,” Cora’s voice rang out as Rae made her way down the hallway, she had been on her omnitool which she flicked out of sight when Rae came closer, “long day?”

“Day?It’s been a _day_ already?” Rae started, Cora smiled sympathetically.

“Just about, but it’s like the Citadel, no day and night cycles.People here go by the time on their omnitools and work shifts,” Cora explained, “Tann told me the Tempest would arrive at the Docking Bay around twelve hundred, I would recommend sleeping.”

“No sleep for me just yet,” Rae claimed, her professional demeanor slipping, “I need to make a trip to SAM Node.”

“Everything all right?” Cora asked.

“It’s fine or so it says,” Rae couldn’t help it, she yawned after glimpsing the time on her omnitool.It read past twenty two hundred, when did they dock and question Avina?Seven or eight hours ago?Rae yawned again.

_I miss being planetside, I miss Earth,_ she thought as she pressed the touch pad to summon the transit car.

“You should visit Scott,” Cora told her and Rae huffed.

“ _Of course_ I’m going to visit my brother,” she snapped then gave Cora an apologetic look, “sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

She actually chortled a little.

“You don’t have to apologize to a biotic over a little loss of control and definitely not to your second,” Cora smiled, the hum beyond the closed doors signaled the transit car was close, “but I only had to deal with Tann for half an hour, you spent far longer with all three and handled yourself well.”

Rae took that as high praise from Cora and felt her face warm and scars itch.

“How do I look?” Rae asked nervously, “as tired and exasperated as I feel?”

“Better,” Cora smirked, “you look like a particularly tolerant babysitter.”

“Oooh, don’t let anyone hear you say that,” Rae gave an honest smile, “I’m pretty sure I’m the baby here.”

“Yeah, what are you?Fifteen?”

“Close,” Rae’s smile faltered, “what do you think our chances are, Cora?Honest opinion.”

At this Cora’s rarely seen light-hearted humor slipped away as her professional mask replaced it, Rae could see the gears turning in her head and the fixed determined gleam spurring them on.

“We will not fail,” Cora stated and for a split second Rae didn’t doubt it.The doors to the transit car opened with a _swoosh_.

Cora stayed behind, something about finding out what she could on the asari ark and having arranged sleeping quarters on the Nexus.Rae thought she passed Liam going through security earlier and for all she knew he was still there.Cora and Liam had been sent the Tempest arrival schedule, she trusted they would meet there.

In the mean time as she was the only one on the transit car, Rae plopped down in a seat, placed her head in her hands and groaned loudly.When her fingers accidentally pressed too hard to a sensitive length of scarred skin she winced and tears pricked at the corner of her eyes.The reality of their overall situation still didn’t feel entirely real and the exhilaration she remembered feeling the first time she met Jien Garson made her meeting with Tann and the others feel shallow.

“Jien Garson is dead, Matriarch Naura is dead…my dad’s dead…” Rae whispered quietly, her voice trailing off. 

“ ** _Rae,_** ” SAM spoke up almost kindly, ** _“your father would not want you dwelling on circumstances that cannot be changed._** ”

“Yeah, well, that’s what’s happening, it’s called the Five Stages of Grief.I’m still working on the first stage,” Rae squeezed her eyes shut.

“ ** _Should I notify Dr. T’Perro?_** ”

“No, no, don’t bother her, I just need a good cry, can that fit into my schedule somewhere?” Rae’s brief burst of hysterical laughter was hollow and the frown that followed darkened.She brought up her omnitool and skimmed through it.

“I can’t believe we’re the first ark to appear, where could the others be?”Rae tapped in notes, adding the sabotaged wiring and might-not-be-a-murderer turian to her To Do List.Eos was first priority in all capitals and glared at her over the others.

“ ** _Possible scenarios range from kett interception to cryostasis failure in deep space,_** ” answered SAM, Rae sighed.

“Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black SAM,” her omnitool vanished.

“ ** _My apologies, I believed the question was sincere, not rhetorical,_** ” SAM almost seemed sheepish or was it just her?Did he emote before?

“No, this whole you being in my head thing is going to take some getting used to for the both of us,” Rae yawned then swore under her breath, “I really need to sleep.”

“ ** _The increase in toxic proteins supports your claim, Ryder._** ”

“It’s Rae, SAM, if you’re going to be a part of me call me Rae,” she closed her eyes for several seconds as the transit car slowed for the stop at the Hyperion’s Habitation Deck, “people only called my dad Ryder.”

“ ** _Noted._** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick thank you to my readers thus far! Thank you for the kudos and comments! Now that Rae is properly settled in her unstable situation things will start to slow down and stop skipping around (as much as I love the game I'm not about to copy the game's dialogue verbatim). I started replaying ME:A again (what does that make this play through, 3 or 4 times now?) to write as I go and paying extra attention to absolutely everything! >.<
> 
> Again thank you everyone and I hope you guys have a good Easter!


	3. Processing Almost Complete

By the time Rae turned seven she had (and in turn Scott as well) gone through five babysitters, but it was never Scott's fault. Alec figured it was a cry for attention and his wife agreed so despite their hectic schedules and in Alec's case, less talkative demeanor, they made time for family dinners, playdates with Ellen's colleagues kids and one particularily daring bring-your-kids-to-work-day hosted by Alec Ryder when the fifth babysitter quit an hour in. She had a thing or two to say about Rae to which no parent would appreciate and left without any pay as soon as Alec walked back into the door expecting a report.

From what he had gathered from the departing babysitter's shrill words Rae had gotten up to mischief. He stepped inside to find Rae on the floor with Scott who sat with his head hung in shame as if the babysitter had been talking about him. Rae, on the other hand, had her jaw stubbornly set and a petulant frown contorting her young face. Alec had work to do and with Ellen in a classified lab on another arm of the Citadel it was up to him to take his twins to work.

It was on this chance trip to work with Dad that Rae met her match. Once Alec had them situated in an office and wondering what he was going to do with his two children when he was expected at meetings Rae made a dash for adventure. The building they were in was new and unexplored territory and unlike the sector they lived in was teeming with more aliens. Not that Rae had never seen turians, asari and the others, but no so many all at once. There were not that many human children on the Citadel at the time and she and Scott were reliant on those playdates Ellen arranged. As they grew into their teens more humans would come to call the Citadel home, but that wouldn't be for a few more years.

Unbeknowest to Rae at the time Scott had followed her lead and caught up to her, but she had been playing a thrilling game of hide-n-seek with unaware participants. Pretending if she was spotted by anyone it was game over Rae had bounded around a corner to thump into a young turian.

"Do you remember Enzo Bascus?" Rae's lips curled softly, the first genuine smile she made since she woke in cryo, she rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, "I wonder why I'm remembering that time all of a sudden."

Scott Ryder said nothing as he lay in a coma, his eyes flickered every now and again beneath their lids, Rae hoped if he was dreaming it was of something pleasant. Carlyle assured her talking to him would help and Rae needed to talk. She would have prefered privacy, but she would have to trust the medical staff was preoccupied with thawing out the remaining people of the Hyperion's second wave. Not wanting to think when ( _or if_  a voice in her head corrected which sounded a lot like Addison) the next round of people will be able to wake up Rae focused on her brother.

"He got us both and returned us to Dad, I think I was a bit smitten with him, shame he didn't like humans," Rae sighed, Enzo Bascus had been shadowing his politicking mother that day and had openly snarled at her in that obnoxious I'm-superior teenage way. She had taken it as a challenge and Enzo outsmarted her, the chase had been brief but exhilerating. All three had been chastised regardless, Rae and Scott for wandering the halls unsupervised and running about then there was Enzo, put to shame for acting childishly and not settling the matter in a methodical sort of way. It had been Alec Ryder, of all people, who came to Enzo's rescue, claiming he didn't understand how turian children acted, but human children were an entirely different matter. Rae wondered if she and Scott's boundless enthusiasm for mischief (moreso her than his) were the aliens first real impression of human children.

"Oh how he hated us," Rae thought out loud as she remembered the young turian. Alec had made a deal with his (anti-human) mother, probably in some way hoping to bridge the gap between them. It was agreed Enzo would babysit Rae and Scott in the building during school break, "he had to watch us from that point until he had to leave for boot camp."

He never struck them, but he had ways of tricking them. His pride would not have withstood another assault, so he outsmarted the adventurous Rae at every turn. If Scott was being a distraction so Rae could steal snacks from the kitcehn Enzo caught on, if she was sent to her room he was there when she tried sneaking out through the window. Looking back there might have been some spite involved, Enzo learned too quickly how much Rae hated green beans and always served them for lunch.

"Best school break ever, he didn't like us, but I missed him when he left," Rae squeezed Scott's hand, silently she prayed he would return the gesture, but his fingers remained still. Idly she gently bent them having seen a nurse stretching his limbs for him as she came in, it wouldn't do if he woke up later rather than sooner with bed sores and unused muscles. Rae sighed once more and she thought once more how easily it could have been the other way around, it wasn't his fault that he was stuck in a coma while she awake and walking.

Shoving aside a fresh cascade of tears Rae bit her lip, she gnawed on it until her omnitool pinged reminding her of the time. She glanced about and saw the same amount of staff hustling around her despite the clock reading one in the morning. Carlyle had gone to get some much needed rest, she hadn't been aware he hadn't slept any better than she did and he had been awake prior to her. As Cora said there were no day or night cycles, despite her time on the Citadel in her youth it was the times they spent on Earth she cherished the most.

"Hurry and wake up would you," Rae whispered, "I can't handle all of this on my own."

Even if he wasn't awake and especially because it was very likely he could hear her in his current state Rae couldn't give him all the details. With the excitement of the arrival of the human ark after fourteen horrific months bringing a surge of new energy supply and a pathfinding SAM the cloak of invisibility was drawing back. The trek to the Cryo Bay was more than enough of an eye opener for Rae to realize how well known she was becoming. Suddenly everyone seemed to know her name, but they didn't cry out in greeting to her, just whispering amongst one another.

Rae's teeth clenched so hard it hurt.

She could practically feel the stares burning into the back of her head, into her Andromeda Initiative uniform. The whispering got to her the most because it only served to fuel her anxiety and terrible thoughts, it might have been her imagination at times, but Rae would meet the gazes of others and they would swiftly turn away. She heard and felt their doubts, their fears and questions, she knew them all because she felt them herself -  _why did your dad choose you?_

In Addison's eyes she saw the calloused desparation.  _Why didn't you die so he could have lived?_

For a brief moment Rae fancied sleeping on the cot to Scott's right, according to Tann storage rooms and medical bays had been utilized as makeshift sleeping areas when what few people were allowed to wake up couldn't clear out the damage from the Scourge fast enough to accomodate their numbers. She had even spied crew members napping upright in their chairs, Tann and Kesh had worked out beds of scavneged cloth and crates in their respective "offices", she didn't know where Addison slept and considering what had gone down wondered if Kandros and the rest of security just slept at their posts. It hadn't been more clear until now to Rae just how depleted the people on the Nexus must be, she had her own rough nights of sleep on hard-packed ground, but never in unknown space with the odds stacked against her…

Not relishing the idea of leaving Scott, but her eyelids were growing heavy and the cot to his right was suddenly occupied with a newly awakened young woman.

"I don't know why Dad made me pathfinder Scott," Rae yawned, "but I'll do my best so by the time you wake up they'll be at least one liveable planet."

Scott slept on.

* * *

 

"Pathfinder," a human man donning the security uniform hailed her down after she left Scott, Rae peered at him owlishly.

_Right, that's me,_ "Hello," she said tiredly, the man nodded to the door behind him.

"The captain says Alec Ryder's old quarters are now yours and her orders were only you can go inside," he explained, Rae blinked believing her brain was short-circuiting on lack of sleep.

"My Dad's old quarters?" she parroted back, she hadn't been aware of them. As the man stared back at her stoically she reasoned pathfinders and other superior officers would be allotted their own living space. The man stepped aside as she approached and she could just barely make out the security pad on the side of the door. It was displaying nonsense wording and broken code probably due to the infrequent sparking, explaining the presence of the security guard. Rae mumbled a "good night or good morning" to the man as she passed, the door hissed open and closed behind her.

" _Geez,_  Dad," she uttered as she took in the room's interior.

Rae and Scott had been given the same personal cargo limitations as everyone else, but it was clear the same rules did not apply in any shape or form to the former pathfinder. It was also clear nothing had been packed into a box except a few datapads scattered about on random surfaces. Alec Ryder must have arranged everything prior departure and had spent time in there before the shuttle to Habitat 7. On the left immediately upon entering the room were square shelves of labeled binders, to the right a glass wall encasing a variety of firearms. Right ahead was a bed.

Her brain nearly sidled off into Auto Pilot mode until she realized there were no sheets. A quick question to SAM revealed them to still be folded in airtight plastic wrapping in under bed storage. Normally Rae was neat about her bed-making, but she managed to get the sheets on with her remaining stamina, her patience put to the ultimate test when she couldn't find the pillows quickly afterwards. It wasn't long until she sank to her stomach onto the bed, trying not to think of Tann and Kesh's makeshift bunks, rubbing her face into the clean sheets. With her face nuzzling into the pillow she toed her shoes off and prepared to fall asleep.

At least until the broad and multi-screen computer setup lit the room with a surreal blue light. Groaning and too exhausted to care about any more surprises Rae put another pillow over her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

" ** _Rae,_** " she ignored it, but found clamping the pillow over her head only amplified the AI's voice, " ** _there are archive logs available._** "

"I'll read them when I wake up SAM," Rae claimed, "now is the time for  _sleep_."

" ** _It is important you go over them,_** " SAM insisted, Rae didn't want to but she brought up her omnitool. The orange glare burned into her eyes that had already adjusted to the darkness. Turning down the brightness she read the time.

"All I ask is for six hours of uninterrupted sleep, I  _promise_  I'll read whatever Dad left before I leave for the Tempest tomorrow," she frowned when her To-Do List reminded her she had also needed to make time to chat with Kandros and the incarcerated turian husband.

" ** _Very well, Pathfinder,_** " SAM powered down and Rae turned off her omnitool determined to fall asleep.

Sleep never came. Over and over her mind repeated her words back to her " _whatever Dad left_ ". The surreal blue light emitting from the console dimmed as it went to standby mode and into the late hour Rae couldn't pry her thoughts away from " _what if?"_  What if what was on the console explained her dad's reasoning for bypassing Cora and giving her pathfinder duties? What if he left a message for her and Scott? The questions circled back to  _why_. With the recent memories of her meetings with Tann, Kesh and Addison she sat up and glared at the large screen mounted on the wall.

" _Fine,_  I'll bite," Rae stood up and made her way to the chair and tapped the console to life. Immediately the interface lit up displaying the Andromeda Initiative logo and a number of digital folders. She explored them and found the titles and contents mundane, nothing worth losing sleep over.

"SAM, what am I supposed to be looking at that's so important?" she asked already regretting her decision, the AI answered as she yawned and rubbed her eyes.

" ** _Accessing,_** " a number of files appeared not on the large screen, but on one of the lower screens. Audio files.

"These are my dad's personal logs," Rae realized,  _so nothing work-related?_  All the mundane files displayed construction deadlines, drop off sites for supplies and dossiers. These logs SAM had to retrieve himself and could not be found simply clicking about, suddenly Rae was a little more alert.

" ** _Some are encrypted,_** " Rae sighed.

"Not surprising, this  _is_  my dad we're talking about," she muttered, "let's look through what I can."

Only a handful were available and she started with the general logs that began with Alec speaking of dreams aboard the Hyperion and having some of his own. Rae didn't think much of it despite the seed of curiosity that made her think of what he dreamed of, but thinking more on it made her chest hurt. It was too late to ask him now.

The next entries featured a pleasant surprise. Rae hadn't known Alec had contacted Dr. Liara T'Soni and even more of a surprise he had contacted her in regards to her Prothean research. She recalled days of dinners she and Scott remained cordial as Alec made lackluster attempts at conversation, the reminder of Ellen's terminal illness scratching at the surface. Protheans and their most avid researcher one of Rae's favorite, and safest, topics at the time.

Rae sat on the edge of her seat as the doctor responded to Alec's inquiry, but she spoke little and the entries ran short, much to Rae's disappointment.

It was his final entry that made her eyes moist, it was his log about gearing up for Habitat 7. He worried for Scott, he worried over the fact he barely told them he loved them. She wanted to believe it, but it was more than enough to make him look more human than he had over the last few years he became a sort of recluse. Rae squeezed her eyes shut to brace against the onslaught of flashbacks of Earth, of she and Scott caring for Ellen in her final weeks. Ellen had been insistent on more moments together and less sadness, of the times Rae would try to confront her father in his workshop but backing down the last second. She thought all the time he spent in the workshop behind their house would have been better spent inside with her mother.

" _Kids, if anything happens to me, there are…things you're going to find out. I hope you'll understand."_

That caught Rae's attention.

"Hope I understand what?" Rae thought of the memory she saw in SAM Node before visiting Scott in the Cryo Bay, of Alec's meeting with Ambassador Goyle about AI research and Ellen's life-changing call. She clicked onto the next set of logs and saw what SAM was talking about that some were encrypted, "is this about the AI research he did SAM?"

" ** _Unknown,_** " SAM replied, " ** _only by unlocking the other logs may we learn more._** "

"How do I unlock them?"

" ** _Alec had placed blockers in my coding, they will unlock with time,_** " he explained, Rae snorted.

"Pretty vague."

" ** _Apologies, it was how I was coded,_** " SAM sounded almost hesitant as he added, " ** _Alec had not planned on passing on so soon._** "

"Nobody usually does," Rae's curiosity pushed her onward but there were no more unlocked logs to ponder over.

" ** _It is worth noting these logs may be imperative to unlock."_**

"Meaning don't shove them aside make them a priority as much as everything else," Rae tried not to be aggravated, considering how little she and her dad interacted in the time before he died it was both frustrating and sad she was going to hear his voice the most from recordings after his death. The idea that her father had probably delved deeper into AI research further than Jien Garson's requirement was a concern, but was the most likely purpose behind his secret keeping. She couldn't imagine what else Alec would be referring to in his first logs and even more questionable did any of what he said had to do with his final decision of making her pathfinder?

She leaned back in her chair and thought what if it was Cora who sat here listening to his logs, would she find something incriminating? Rae kept getting dead ends, without more to go on she decided she could stop thinking about it. Yet she didn't, overthinking had become a habitual problem recently and eventually in the soft glow of the screens her head drooped. With her chin to her chest and arms folded Rae drifted off into a fitful slumber.


	4. Facing Doubt

Falling asleep in the chair had not been one of her best ideas, but Rae stood up and worked off the stiffness and ignored the ache in her neck.After commanding SAM to see to it that Alec Ryder’s files were hidden away (the room _was_ guarded by security personnel and not a DNA scanner after all) and the datapads (Rae delightfully discovered) with audio recordings of Dr. T’Soni talking about protheans stashed away (not that they had anything dangerous on them, but it would be a shame if they were to go missing) Rae was determined today would be a good day.Recalling the people she had to visit and malfunctioning equipment to investigate Rae did some basic stretches and wondered where the nearest bathrooms were.

“ ** _The Public Walkway has a fully equipped locker room, Rae,_** ” SAM answered when she asked, “ ** _also Captain Dunn would like to speak with you._** ”

“Got it,” Rae felt as she twisted, her vertebrae releasing a series of audible pops.Already she knew the crick in her neck was going to bother her all day.

“Any news on Scott?”

“ ** _Nothing new to report,_** ” Rae ran her tongue along the back of her teeth and winced, she suddenly felt grimy and in need of a hygienic overhaul.Checking the time on her omnitool showed she had managed little more than four hours of sleep, by all accounts it was still early (not that it would look it on the ark) and silently hoped she could maneuver to the showers without drawing attention.With the Tempest arrival still several hours away she didn’t feel very stressed until she let the previous day’s conversations return to overwhelm her. 

_All right,_ Rae took a deep breath, _pull yourself together, hyperventilate later._

Rae made a mental note to pick up a change of clothes as she ran her fingers through her hair to style it back into a ponytail.Her bangs were bordering on stringy and she hated thinking how the oil on her skin was rubbing onto her hair.It would have to do until she made her way to the locker room, she grimaced at the fact Lexi had given her a dry wash shortly after saving her life.A decontamination scrub and an inefficient exfoliation rinse, in Rae’s opinion, couldn’t beat a water and soap shower.

Making a face Rae made her way out of the room to find the same security guard was still there but far less alert.He had been leaning against the wall playing a Tetris game on his omnitool and had jumped into position when the door to the room swooshed open.Rae couldn’t help but smile, the stern expression on the guard’s face was offset by the soft bouncy music the game was still playing on his brightly lit omnitool.

Never one to let an opportunity pass by Rae feigned seriousness and clasped her hands behind her back to look at him from his side, the size comparison almost laughable.The guard continued to stare straight ahead as the game music played on.

“Have a quiet night?” Rae raised an eyebrow.

“Affirmative, Pathfinder,” he responded.

“Do you always play games when on duty?” she pressed, the man’s face twitched especially when the game announced his inactivity would inevitably lead to game over.

“What’s your name?” Rae asked, try as she might the corners of her lips were trying to curl up, but the man wouldn’t look at her.

“Brandon Holmes, ma’am,” he said formally and the smile Rae had been building to slid away.

“At ease, Brandon,” for his sake she forced a chuckle, when he didn’t right away she added, “seriously relax and please, call me Rae.”

“Thank you, um, Ryder,” he improvised, he met her gaze for a second before looking away.

“You might want to pause that,” she offered and with relief he did.

“Sorry about that,” Brandon claimed and Rae waved it off.

“I’m fine, I believe you have one of the worst posts here,” Rae acknowledged and cut him off before he could counter, “you just guarded a sleeping woman for near five hours, I won’t hold it against you for a little diversion to keep from falling asleep yourself.”

To that he shifted from foot to foot, Rae didn’t think he was much older than her.In some he way reminded her of Scott.

“I know I shouldn’t, but can I ask you a favor?” he asked, she nodded, “can you not tell Kandros?”

“Tell Kandros what?” she tilted her head and he averted his gaze once more.

“That I was - ah, you won’t, I mean - Kandros is, _ugh_ , I don’t want to disappoint him.“ Rae blinked.

“Why not?”Brandon sheepishly scratched the back of his head, clearly he was uncomfortable as he dropped his soldier facade entirely.

“For one thing he’s my commanding officer.Secondly, you weren’t here when everything went down with the uprising, but before that things were _tense_.” He continued, “the whole place felt like a volcano was about to go off any minute.Nothing against my former boss, but Sloane Kelly was a bit of a hot head.A scary one.Kandros had been her second and compared to her, he was more…level-headed, easier to talk to I guess.He was gone at the time when things went to -erm, when he got back he just took charge of everything.We really admire all that he’s been trying to do.”

_Huh, it really does depend on who you ask,_ Rae thought back on what the other leaders thought of the former head of security.Kesh claimed she was a hard worker and unbiased towards the krogan workers, Tann expressed outright disdain and Addison had sidestepped the topic entirely to talk more about Eos, but the scowl on her face had said enough.

“Can’t really blame her though, it sounded like things were tough,” Rae sympathized with the absent woman, she was after all thrown into unforeseen circumstances just as Rae had been.

“It was,” Brandon had a far-off look in his eyes, “we all thought we were going to die.”

“Those days are over,” Rae claimed trying to pull from Cora’s doubtless confirmation yesterday.

“I hope so Ryder, let Kandros know if there’s anything we can do,” Brandon perked up.

“One more question,” Rae gave him a more scrutinized glance, “were you always security?”

“No,” he deflated slightly, even looked a little green, “I was originally custodial, but knew how to use a gun and good I did too, I had to use one when things went down.Kandros kept me on because they were understaffed, but I still do all sorts of jobs.”

“Why do you ask?”

_Because trained soldiers are not so loose with gossip,_ she thought, but instead said, “as you were.”

The brief conversation almost made Rae feel normal and as she passed SAM Node and came upon the relative quiet of the large room she saw the doors to the Bridge were shut.Captain Dunn wasn’t anywhere to be found and gratefully Rae scurried away to find the locker room.Despite having orientation of the Hyperion the pathfinding team had been largely focused on what would be happening _outside_ of the ark.They had skimmed over the Hyperion’s layouts, memorizing names and essentials and prepping field gear.It wasn’t until they were about to board the shuttles to explore Habitat 7 how little Rae knew her father’s hand-picked team. 

In a way Rae had known Carlyle the best but only because Ellen had persuaded Alec to invite a colleague to dinner a couple times, so Alec invited the medic (a colleague) he met at a meeting (which he was adamant counted much to Ellen’s exasperation).Cora she had known superficially off and on for years through Alec on eavesdropping on his vidcom calls and officially met her before departure. Kirkland she had chatted with briefly before launch, but Liam, Greer, Fisher and Hayes had been total strangers to her.

A thought occurred to Rae as she stepped into the ladies’ locker room.She spotted a wall stacked with fuzzy white towels and grabbed a couple.Rae listened for other occupants and heard a shower running toward the back, as she padded along the checkered white and blue tiles she spotted no one else.There were numerous lockers lined to create a labyrinth of sorts to accommodate a large number of people at a time with benches between them.There were even fewer corners dedicated to privacy if someone wanted it.

_Dad’s team,_ Rae hadn’t thought about who would be on the Tempest with her.Cora had made it clear she wasn’t going anywhere, but were Liam and the others going to follow after her as they followed her dad?It was entirely possible Tann would assign her a whole new team and despite not knowing him well, she didn’t want to see Liam go or the others be reassigned.

She made to the other side of the locker room knowing where to find the laundry chute and new clothes.Numerous compartments lined the wall in minimalist blue and white.A vidscreen with Touch calibration displaying an animated logo of shirt and pants caught her attention.Knowing what to do she scoured the interface for her recruitment number and bringing her omnitool up for identification put in an order for clean clothes.It was a few seconds later one of the compartments opened and there her new clothes were.

Whether it was Jien Garson or someone else she didn’t know they had thought of everything regarding the passengers of the arks’ personal hygiene.It had been explained at orientation, the health packets and omnitool updates that certain essentials would be provided for Rae including certain meals (the pathfinding team required higher calorie intake and thus, more food), higher grade weapons and powerful jetpacks, access to certain labs and her own set of apparel.Maintained by an advanced VI each colonist had their own set of tops, pants and undergarments.The VI basically made sure no one’s clothes got mixed up, no one wanted to wear someone else’s delicates and the uniform previously worn by an individual exterior engineer wasn’t going to be accidentally worn by a lab tech.

To Rae’s relief she acquired a clean pair of underwear and a new bra as well from another compartment then made her way to the showers.Looking forward to being thoroughly cleaned the proper way she walked past the shower running in the middle of one row and went to the one against the far wall.Stripping quickly in case someone else walked in and placing everything on the long bench running down the middle of the tiles, she hurried behind the shower curtain.

The showers ran like the laundry VI, beneath the shower head were a serious of screens requiring omnitool identification.Doing this provided Rae with the knowledge of her allowed amount of shampoo, conditioner, soap and general water usage. She didn’t bat an eyelash at the five minute limit, she had spent months digging through a prothean dig site half the time too engrossed in her work to care about trivial things like long, luxurious showers.Despite her proclivity toward vanity her research meant more and everybody back then was covered in a layer of dusty dirt anyway.

Yet when the shower came on and she was beneath a deluge of hot water that at first stung her skin she swooned.Five minutes would be too short.Rae gave a content hum as she lathered the shampoo into her hair as the water soothed her muscles and the ache in her neck.She was pleasantly surprised her scars were unbothered by the water and as the shampoo and conditioner ran down her face. 

A sigh escaped her lips uncaring if the only other person in the showers heard her.What felt like only seconds later Rae gave a disgruntled cry when the shower abruptly shut off.

“Enter the code 2424MORWATR to override the limit!”the woman from several showers down cried out, Rae did as she said and the shower came back on.

“Thanks!” she shot back.Rae allowed herself to relish the water a little longer before guilt consumed her and she finished up.The other shower was still running.

Rae didn’t emerge from the shower until she had completely toweled off then wrapping herself in it and bundling up her hair she stepped out.Upon closing the shower door it locked and commenced a cleaning cycle as Rae gathered her things.She didn’t glance at the shower door that was still locked and running water as she made her way to the laundry chute.A quick ID confirming the clothes would be returned to her later got rid of half her load. 

When Rae returned to the locker area she founded she was still alone and passed up the privacy corners.After dressing she was brushing her hair with a comb provided by another compartment when the other shower finally shut off.Suddenly overcome with the unreasonable anxiety that she should not be there when the other woman emerged was diverted by a trip to a toilet.Obviously the woman had been taking time for herself.

When she emerged from the stall Rae avoided looking at the long mirror across from it.Her scars prickled lightly.

After she finished the rest of her toiletry routine she began walking back into the locker area wrestling her damp tawny hair back into a plait when she spotted the woman, her vivid red hair sending a mix of emotions through her.

“Hi, Hayes,” Rae greeted and the woman glanced over at her as she tied her shoes.

“Good morning,” she greeted back, if it was possible she sounded more tired than Rae felt.

“How are you doing?” Rae referred to the injury she had acquired back on Habitat 7, Hayes shrugged, her red hair still wet clung to her shoulders.

“Better, Dr. Carlyle saw to it I can go back into the field when I’m ready,” Hayes gave Rae a small smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Are you?” Cora had been in charge of forwarding Rae the Tempest crew intel and hadn’t yet.

“About that, I’ve been reassigned,” the smile she wore grew weaker, “what happened on Habitat 7, those aliens, your dad, you…”

Rae saw it, Hayes’ eyes met hers and Rae’s chest tightened painfully.Rae understood the woman’s doubts thoroughly.

“I’m going to Eos to see to it it’s properly settled,” Rae’s voice betrayed her with a wobble, she inwardly grimaced, “there’s still time to change your mind if you want to go.”

It was hardly a convincing persuasion and Hayes proved not to be easily swayed especially by a woman younger than her who was still emotionally immature.She regarded Rae as a babysitter would a child that couldn’t be trusted to make the right decisions, a look Rae had seen before and it rankled her.

“I don’t think I’ll take you up on that offer, but I wish you luck,” Hayes didn’t say it with vitriol, but with resigned acceptance.

“May I ask where you’ve been reassigned to?” Rae pushed as she struggled to remain semi-professional

“I’ll be working in security with the possibility of going planet-side if you’re successful,” Hayes’ eyes had gone moist, “look, I’m sorry Ryder, all the things I’d been told and then Alec Ryder dies, Harper’s skipped over, the leaders here on the Nexus are gone and those who took their place…it’s a huge mess.”

Well, she’s not wrong.

Rae firmly schooled her features as Hayes gave her a sympathetic look, “I’m sorry about your dad by the way.”

The condolences were far and few in between since she woke up with SAM in her head, which led her to be unsure how to reciprocate.Having already lost her mother she would have thought she would have a response ready to go, but her tongue remained firmly glued to the roof of her mouth.When Rae didn’t respond right away Hayes continued.

“Everything was just swept out from underneath my feet and I’m just not processing it well,” shame was writ across her face, “I’ve been assigned a counselor on top of it all.Even if I wanted to go I wouldn’t be fit for your team as I am now.”

“Your health is most important,” even Rae cringed at how inauthentic that sounded and pushed for sincerity even as her emotions boiled beneath the surface, “just get better, these worlds won’t settle themselves.”

She tried to sound jovial.

“Good luck, Ryder,” Hayes said, “I hope your brother gets better soon too.”

With that Rae watched a member of her dad’s team walk away from her and Rae struggled not to scream. 

_Everything was swept out from underneath_ her _feet?_ Rae fought once more against the cynical voice reeling in the back of her mind nestled up against SAM’s implant. Rae put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath in.

“ ** _There is a spike in your heart rate, Rae,_** ” she nodded.

“Noted,” her sigh came out in a hiss.

“ ** _I do believe you should notify Dr. T’Perro of your emotional turbulence,_** ” SAM said as Rae willed herself to calm down and leave the locker room.

“That’s enough SAM,” Rae saw that Captain Dunn was now up near the doors to the Bridge and braced herself.

* * *

 

In one way Dunn reminded Rae of her mother, she and Ellen shared a single-minded focus on getting the tasks before them done.A more than suitable trait for a captain in charge of thousands of people aboard the ark in need of thawing and a livable home.When Dunn spotted Rae her face remained the same, she gave her condolences for Alec Ryder and moved on.They talked of the Nexus, of the Hyperion, why the Bridge was closed off and what Dunn would be doing now that waking people in cryostasis was put on hold.Like with Brandon the conversation brought a surge of normalcy to it that Rae cherished.

“How are you handling everything?” Dunn asked, perhaps she felt the need to rock the boat Rae was trying so hard to stabilize.

“It is what it is,” Rae replied without conviction, Dunn fixed her with a narrow stare.

“I won’t take non-answers, Ryder,” the captain claimed, “have you talked to anyone about what happened yet?”

“Not exactly,” Rae shrugged, “the pathfinder ship will be ready to go at twelve, I get on it and I fly to Eos.”

“I’ve read the reports, attempts to settle Eos have failed twice before our arrival,” Captain Dunn’s stern expression never wavered, “but if your dad thought you were the best for the job than so do I.”

Rae felt the tightening in her chest ease just a bit and she gave the captain a small smile, “thanks, Captain Dunn.”

“Now you and I both have a lot of work to do, good luck to you Ryder.”

As Rae left the captain to her duties an ominous thought occurred to her.Recalling the logs and the encryptions, was it possible she wasn’t made pathfinder just to settle planets, but also to learn and safeguard her father’s secrets?


End file.
